At age 19 I got married in the Logan Temple. Things happened and I stayed
because I thought it was the “right” thing to do. I wanted more than
anything to have a happy, successful marriage. I tried so hard but sometimes
your life doesn't work out exactly how you planned it.
One day in September I heard the words I never wanted to hear, "I
want a divorce." Boom. Completely broken and shattered my life was
completely falling apart in front of my eyes. How could this happen? I've tried
so hard and I've done everything I'm supposed to. Why me? This was a
common conversation that I battled with every night. I felt so alone. I felt
that even my Heavenly Father had left me. I would pray for this heartache and
pain to leave, but it wouldn't.
It was hard to talk to others because they didn't understand. I was
judged, I was looked at different and people who didn't even know me wanted to
know my so called
"drama."
A few months later I finally moved out of my apartment and in with
some girls. (Best choice EVER!) They made such a huge impact on my life. I
finally started to become happy and feel alive. I started to realize how
much my heavenly father really did love me. He loved me enough to
give me a trial. A trial that made me step back and realize what I really
deserved in this life. It made me stronger and showed me that
I can
do hard things. It taught me that I was never alone and I never will be alone.
Just because my Heavenly Father wasn't answering my prayers in the way I
wanted, didn't mean he wasn't blessing me in other ways. He was blessing me
with hidden blessings along the way. I should have known he had bigger and
better things planned for me.
I thought for sure I was never going to get married again. When I
finally started to date, a lot of boys were rude when they found out that I'd
been married before. Example 1: "But you’re used up? Why would anyone
want to date you?"
(Now that I
think back, “used up, really?” I would like to call it “more experienced,” come
on boys.)
I finally came to the
realization that if boys weren't going to be understanding they weren't
the right one for me. When I did find "the one" he didn't care that I
had been married before. He loved me the way I deserved. And treated me like a
complete princess. I never knew what it was like to be some ones top priority
until I met Tanner. He made all the hurt and heartache worth it. If I never
would have gone through this trial I don't think I would have appreciated this
amazing man that God put in my path.
Lots of stuff happens in life but there is ALWAYS a purpose.
There is always a life lesson in every situation, good or bad. I would never in
my WHOLE entire life wish divorce on anyone. But I can honestly say I am so
grateful for that trial because I learned so much about myself.
A few things I’ve learned since getting divorced:
-You can’t rely on someone else for your happiness. You are the sole
deciding factor of your happiness.
-Every girl deserves to be respected.
-I am good enough. And just because ONE person didn’t see that doesn’t mean
squat.
-You
can’t make someone love you.
-There are still good guys out there.
-Finding someone who follows the temple covenants is more important to me than
ever.
-You can find someone you KNOW loves you and would literally do ANYTHING
for you.
So next time you hear of someone getting divorced, don't assume they didn't
try. Or that they didn't give all they could possibly give. You don't know
their story and it's not your place to judge.
So be gentle
& kind.
(2nd chances rock! Isn't he the cutest?)
